


Lie To Me

by sooyeollie



Series: Songs for Chansoo [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Actor Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Angst, Cheating, M/M, Producer Park Chanyeol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-11-14 23:40:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18062423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sooyeollie/pseuds/sooyeollie
Summary: "And I know that you don't, but if I ask you if you love me, I hope you lie to me."The truth is out, Kyungsoo has walked away. And maybe if Chanyeol had enough courage, it wouldn't be too late.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work is inspired by this [ tweet](https://twitter.com/AllForCHANSOO/status/1104432380469698560?s=19), [Lie To Me](https://youtu.be/du7paNLQN9M) by 5SOS and [Sing For You](https://youtu.be/nqaSboKBIuA) by EXO.

Kyungsoo sits in the bar with a glass of beer in his hand, watching those people mingle with each other. Chanyeol is busy greeting people, making connections, hoping that it'll lead to something successful. Kyungsoo smiles as he looks at his boyfriend, he's happy for him but he's conflicted. Is he really happy for Chanyeol? Is it selfish of Kyungsoo to wish for a time machine, hoping they'd go back to those days when they were just two college dropouts trying to make it big in the entertainment industry? Is it selfish of Kyungsoo to wish for Chanyeol to glance at him once and flash him that sweet smile he fell for?  
  
Kyungsoo gulps his drink in one go, closing his eyes as his mind feels a little fuzzy now. Maybe he should go home first and leave Chanyeol here? As he gets up from his seat, he looks at his boyfriend one more time. He's waiting for Chanyeol to give him a reason to stay. Wait, did Chanyeol's lips just form the sweet smile that Kyungsoo loves so much? Kyungsoo feels so happy, he starts to walk over to Chanyeol then he realizes that the smile was not directed at him. He follows Chanyeol's eyes and there he found it. Byun Baekhyun. One of the singers that Chanyeol has been working with lately. Kyungsoo knows, he just pretends like he doesn't because maybe it's better than losing Chanyeol. Kyungsoo takes a deep breath, it's time to pull the act again. He will go back home and will welcome Chanyeol with open arms like the usual. If he's lucky, Chanyeol would reciprocate by cuddling up to him, if he's not, then Chanyeol would just say he's tired and falls asleep as soon as he hits the pillow, with his back facing Kyungsoo.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Chanyeol,"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Do you love me?" Kyungsoo asks when they finished eating breakfast. Kyungsoo has been thinking about this question a lot, he's doubting everything he has with Chanyeol. He doesn't know how else he's supposed to ask this question to his boyfriend, so he just said it the way it is.  
  
Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo's eyes, analyzing, no sign of affection. Kyungsoo's chest feels tight like there's no oxygen in the room, like a knife is being twisted right there. He can't take anymore of the way Chanyeol's eyes are looking at him. Chanyeol sighs, looking away from Kyungsoo.  
  
"I'm asking you if you love me, Chanyeol." Kyungsoo's voice almost breaks as he says the word 'love'. He knows the answer, but maybe there's still hope.  
  
Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo again, he blinks once. Maybe Chanyeol is trying to tell Kyungsoo that he's not ready to hear the truth. But Chanyeol knows that Kyungsoo won't let it go until he gets an answer, so Chanyeol decides to respond the way Kyungsoo wants him to, with words (or maybe a word).

"No." Chanyeol says coldly as he gets up from his seat, grabs his car keys and walks out of the apartment, heading to work to produce another best-selling album.  
  
Kyungsoo sits there in silence, he's frozen for a minute, he doesn't know how to react, he can't even cry. “No,” he says to himself quietly. “Why are you being so honest, Yeol.”

Kyungsoo gets up from his seat and continues doing his routine. He cleans up the table, washes the dishes - usually they both would do it together unless Chanyeol is in a rush and now Kyungsoo is doing it alone. He makes sure the apartment is clean and tidy before he goes to the filming set. It's time to work and play his character, he must not let his mind wander to the thought of his boyfriend is somewhere out there, giving another guy the love Kyungsoo used to receive.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo is excited to go home and tell Chanyeol about the good news, he just landed a role in another big production movie. He finally made it, he can finally tell those people back home that his decision to drop out of college wasn't a stupid one. He can finally see the day where those people will be seeing his face for 2 hours straight in big screens. He's no longer a supporting act who only appears for one or two scenes. Chanyeol was the only one who believes in him from the beginning and now he can't wait to celebrate it with him.  
  
"Chanyeol!" he says excitedly as he barges in to Chanyeol's small studio in their apartment.  
  
Chanyeol just looks at him with a frown. Kyungsoo is sure that he saw Chanyeol smiling a second ago. They stare at each other. Right.. That smile was before he noticed Kyungsoo is in the room. That smile was for whoever it was on the phone with him. Suddenly Kyungsoo remembers, Chanyeol's _'no'_ to his question. He wishes that it was an answer for a different question. He wishes that Chanyeol had lied to him that morning. Kyungsoo knows that there's no more love between them, the love is no longer mutual, but he's not ready yet to accept the truth.  
  
"What?" Chanyeol answers, almost feeling irritated and definitely uninterested.  
  
Kyungsoo bites his lip, should he go away now and tell Chanyeol to forget it? He thinks again. He's already here, might as well tell Chanyeol. Maybe, just maybe the latter would remember the love they shared since they were younger. All those sweats and tears they went through to reach their dreams, to reach where they are right now. Kyungsoo would stay up all night memorizing his lines beside Chanyeol who is trying to compose a great piece of music. At the end of the night, Kyungsoo would always be the inspiration behind the songs Chanyeol created. And Chanyeol would be the one who makes Kyungsoo works harder than the day before. But right now is different, Kyungsoo would only become the reason behind Chanyeol's frustration and Chanyeol would be the one who makes Kyungsoo's heart breaks to pieces.  
  
"I got a new role and it's the leading role." Kyungsoo still smiles brightly even though his heart is breaking upon seeing Chanyeol's unenthusiastic expression. Chanyeol used to hug him, spin him around, shower him with kisses, and take him out for dinner whenever Kyungsoo comes home announcing a new role he got, no matter how small it is. But now it doesn't even matter anymore to Chanyeol.  
  
"Oh. Congrats, Soo." he says as he glances at his phone. At least he still calls him 'Soo' After a few seconds, Chanyeol's phone rings and he immediately rushes out of the door. Who could it be? Kyungsoo can only think of one person.

He can't take it anymore, he's tired of pretending like he's not affected by this. He's tired of giving chances to Chanyeol, hoping that it'll get better and he'll remember the love they once shared. Their relationship has grown toxic and it's draining the both of them. There's no more love and Kyungsoo ain't so happy. He slowly walks to his room, he doesn't even realize that he had started crying. He sits on their shared bed, hands covering his face as he sobs. He grabs his phone and calls the person he trusts the most other than his boyfriend.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chanyeol comes home after spending hours with Baekhyun. He expects Kyungsoo to be busy memorizing lines for his new big role. Chanyeol may seem uninterested earlier but he was still listening. But the view that welcomes him isn't anything like what he expected. Two guys are holding onto each other in the balcony, one of them is Kyungsoo. He walks towards them to get a closer look, it's their college best friend, Junmyeon. Kyungsoo is in Junmyeon's arms while Junmyeon comfortingly rubs Kyungsoo's back. Is he crying? Is Chanyeol the reason behind those tears? Now is Chanyeol's turn to feel like all oxygen has been pulled out of his chest. He can't breath. Seeing Kyungsoo in someone else's arms that isn't him hurts him, like he's beaten up until he can't move. He goes to his room quietly, trying not to interrupt the other two people in this apartment. He immediately sits on the floor, crying. He can't believe he let all the fame and success get to his head, he even forgets the person who were always by his side, cheering for him, motivating him to keep going. Is it too late now to apologize? To say that he actually loves Kyungsoo? To change his answer to Kyungsoo's recent question?  
  
After an hour, Kyungsoo enters the room, eyes red and swollen from too much crying. Chanyeol could tell that Kyungsoo is still crying quietly, but he pretends not to see it. He pretends to be focused on making new songs, but he can't get any decent tune. Is it okay for him to ask Kyungsoo the same question now? Does he still love Chanyeol? Or Chanyeol's _'no'_ has made Kyungsoo's love disappear too?  
  
Chanyeol's eyes are following Kyungsoo as the latter grabs his suitcase before heading to their closet. Chanyeol takes off his headphones and he could hear Kyungsoo's quiet sobs for the whole 15 minutes he’s in the other room before he walks out.  
  
"Hey," the younger says, trying to get Chanyeol's attention. Chanyeol looks up with the same pained expression. "I'm moving out. I'll get the rest of my stuff tomorrow."  
  
"Where are you going?" Chanyeol tries his best not to sound so broken.  
  
"I'm staying with Junmyeon until I find a new place." Kyungsoo says, avoiding Chanyeol's eyes.  
  
"Kyungsoo, you can stay here until you find-"  
  
"No, I'm not spending another second with you, thinking that we're still together when your mind keeps on thinking about him, Chanyeol," Kyungsoo's tears begin to wet his cheeks again. “When you keep going to him instead of me.”  
  
"But Soo-" Chanyeol tries to reach out for Kyungsoo's hand but the latter pushes him away.  
  
"Let me go, Chanyeol."  
  
"Don't you love me anymore?" Chanyeol's voice become weak as he tries not to cry.  
  
"It doesn't matter now right? You said it yourself, you don't love me. You said no, remember?"  
  
"But I still do."  
  
Kyungsoo doesn't say another word and just walks out of the room, away from the person he once loved.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_"Park Chanyeol!!!"_  
  
_"Baby!!!" Chanyeol smiled widely when he saw his boyfriend entering his apartment._  
  
_"Congratulations!! I heard the song you composed on the radio this morning," Kyungsoo said before throwing himself on Chanyeol's lap. "I know you're gonna make it big someday." Kyungsoo says again before kissing Chanyeol._  
  
_"It's all thanks to you though."_  
  
_“Huh? What do you mean? What did I even do?" Kyungsoo's expression turned into a confused one, his fingers stroked Chanyeol's hair before resting at the back of Chanyeol's neck._  
  
_"You were always by my side, always believing in me, and you're the inspiration behind that song." Chanyeol caressed Kyungsoo's cheek before kissing him again._  
  
_Kyungsoo smiled, making Chanyeol falls for him all over again, "I love you, Chanyeol."_  
  
_"I love you, baby. And I'm gonna write you a bunch of songs."_  
  
_"No break up song though." Kyungsoo said with a pout._  
  
_"Of course not, because we're never breaking up." Chanyeol said and Kyungsoo smiled wider when he heard it._  
  
Chanyeol cries as he recalls the memory. Was everything a lie? An illusion? He was sure that they were never breaking up but now they're completely broken up. He has been rejecting Baekhyun's calls for the past few days, he only wants to hear from Kyungsoo, but he can't seem to bring himself to press the call button. He doesn't deserve Kyungsoo after all he has done. He just wishes that Kyungsoo would be happier and healthier now. Unlike him who always struggles to bring himself to go to work during the day and drinking his pain away when the night comes. Chanyeol is in the middle of a bar with cheerful dance music playing - it's actually one of his production, he almost didn't recognize it when it was played, maybe because he's been producing too many sad songs. One of the most recent song that he produced is a song dedicated to [Kyungsoo](https://youtu.be/7zr5Wur5GLc), a song where he tells his heartfelt apology. His thumb is hovering around the send button, it only takes one click and it'll be sent to Kyungsoo. Just like all those times where he can't bring himself to press the call button, he can't do this either. He keeps drinking more, maybe if he's intoxicated enough he'll be able to send it.  
  
He's about to click on the send button when he receives a text message from Kyungsoo. His eyes light up, a smile starts to form on his lips. He feels a lot sober and alive than he was an hour ago when he enters the bar.  
  
**From: my soo**  
Come to the hospital now. Kyungsoo got into an accident and he's in a critical condition. (location)

-Kim Junmyeon  
  
Chanyeol quickly pulls out his wallet, takes out some money that is way more than he needs to pay. He runs out of the bar, bumping into people who are dancing and flirting and whatever the hell they're doing. He runs and runs, his brain can't seem to function well. He shouldn't have drank all those drinks. Which way to take? He checks his phone again and clicks on the location Junmyeon sent through text. He needs to be strong, he can't cry now. He gets inside a taxi and just shows the driver his phone to let him know about where he's heading and hands him the money that he needs to pay for the ride. He starts crying when the car begins to move.  
  
**To: my soo**  
Please tell me he's gonna be okay  
  
**From: my soo**  
Just come here, Chanyeol.

 

 

  
He quickly gets out of the car before it even comes to a complete stop. He falls to the ground but gets up within a second. He searches for Kyungsoo's room with tears covering his face.  
  
"Junmyeon!"  
  
Junmyeon runs towards Chanyeol looking extremely angry. He pulls Chanyeol by the collar and throws a punch on Chanyeol's face. Chanyeol falls down to the ground, still crying, not because of the pain from the punch but because of Kyungsoo.  
  
"What the fuck?" Chanyeol looks up at Junmyeon who is standing in front of him. He gets up and he receives another punch.  
  
"You fucking hurt Kyungsoo. What did he ever do to you for you to hurt him like that?"  
  
"What are you talking about, Junmyeon?" Chanyeol gets up once again, but stepping away from Junmyeon. The corner of his lips starts to bleed, but he doesn't do anything about it. He just glares at the person who caused the bleeding.  
  
"You cheated on him, didn't you? He can't function well without you, Chanyeol! Every single day he cries. He doesn't eat like he is supposed to. He changed, he looks half dead. He lost focus while driving home tonight and a truck hit him." Junmyeon is having a hard time breathing now, he's filled with anger for Chanyeol and also worries for Kyungsoo.  
  
"So you're only calling me here to punch me?" Chanyeol raises his voice, his hand forms a fist, ready to punch the other man even though he doesn't have any reason to do it.  
  
"Fuck no, Chanyeol. I wouldn't even call you here if it wasn't for Kyungsoo. I know he'd want you here and who the fuck knows if this is the last time we'd see Kyungsoo."  
  
And that's it. Chanyeol punches Junmyeon to the ground, "Why the fuck did you say it? He's not going anywhere. He'll make it."  
  
"The doctor said otherwise, Chanyeol."  
  
"You're lying."  
  
"I'm not. Why would I lie about such thing?!" Junmyeon points to an operating room, "He's there."  
  
Chanyeol runs to the room, but was quickly stopped by a nurse. He falls back to the ground, crying harder against the door. Junmyeon walks over to Chanyeol and sits down beside him. Junmyeon pulls Chanyeol into his arm, "Come here," Chanyeol follows, hiding his face in Junmyeon's neck. "I still hate you for what you did, but I can't let you get through this alone."  
  
"He'll make it, right?"  
  
"I honestly don't know, Yeol."  
  
They spent hours sitting on the floor, crying, praying, hoping that Kyungsoo would make it out alive. Chanyeol remembers Kyungsoo's smile and laughter. All those moments they spent together to reach where they are now. Those dates where Chanyeol would take Kyungsoo to great restaurants whenever he receives a bonus at work. Kyungsoo's face would light up when he finally tastes the food and he'd pay Chanyeol back with kisses once they're back in their apartment.  
  
Chanyeol would also take Kyungsoo to places they've never been before, taking different flights to reach their destination. Kyungsoo's eyes would light up when he finally sees the breathtaking view. He'd wrap his arms around Chanyeol's waist while admiring the view, trying to engrave the view into his memory.  
  
Chanyeol would also let Kyungsoo listen to the songs he's working on. Kyungsoo would sing some random lyrics to the tune or add some melodies to the songs. Those lyrics and melodies would end up in the final version of the song. Kyungsoo's excited grin would welcome Chanyeol at home on the day the song is released and played on the radio.  
  
Chanyeol would also hold Kyungsoo tight whenever one of them is having a bad day. They would cuddle all day, sometimes even missing work until the other is feeling well again.  
  
Chanyeol misses this. He wishes he had sent the song he composed for the love of his life earlier. He wishes he had gained enough courage to call Kyungsoo and apologize. Maybe if he did those things earlier, they won't be spending the night at the hospital.  
  
Chanyeol is getting tired, the alcohol which he drank earlier is now showing its effect on him, making him dizzy. He wants to fall asleep but he can't, he needs to see Kyungsoo again, he needs to see him again.

 

 

 

The doctor finally comes out from the operating room, there's a look of concern on his face. "Are you friends of Doh Kyungsoo?" he asks.  
  
Chanyeol stands up, wiping his face before nodding repeatedly, "I'm his boyfriend."  
  
The doctor starts to explain about the things that were done in the operating room and the possible outcomes. "We will be moving him to the ICU room as he still needs to be monitored carefully. He lost so much blood from the accident and we hope that the surgery will help him stay alive. You'll be able to see him in a few minutes." the doctor informed Chanyeol and Junmyeon before a nurse comes to walk them to the new room.  
  
Junmyeon lets Chanyeol comes to the room alone, both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo need this regardless of Kyungsoo's ability to feel it or not. Chanyeol sits down on the chair beside Kyungsoo's bed, he strokes Kyungsoo's hair carefully and slowly. "Hi baby," Chanyeol says, holding back his tears. "I'm here."  
  
Chanyeol gets up to kiss Kyungsoo's forehead before sitting back down, "I'm so sorry for everything, for betraying you and taking so long to come back to you. I love you so much, Soo. I really do and I don't think I can stop loving you. Please wake up, Soo. Let me love you again." Chanyeol starts to cry again, he holds Kyungsoo's hand, kissing it repeatedly while whispering 'Please wake up, baby'  
  
Chanyeol rests his head beside Kyungsoo's, his mouth is so close to Kyungsoo's ear. He begins to softly sing the song he wanted to send Kyungsoo earlier.

 _“I'll sing for you.”_ he sings the last lyrics and the song comes to an end. Suddenly a long beep sound is heard. Chanyeol looks around, he's confused and scared. The truth is he knows what's going on but he refuses to believe it, maybe if he doesn't believe it, it won't be real. He is pushed away by the nurse who quickly pulls the curtain, separating him from his love. He just stands there, not looking at anything in particular. His mind goes blank. After a minute, the room is quiet again, no frantic sounds of nurses and doctors talking about what they should do or some medical terms that Chanyeol can't understand, no sounds of medical equipment being used, nothing.

Then the silence is broken by a doctor saying, "Time of death, 02.16 AM."  
  
The curtain opens, revealing his lifeless boyfriend. Chanyeol stares at him for a minute or two, he's frozen, he doesn't know what to do. He can't even cry. He walks over to Kyungsoo, kisses him on the forehead once again. "Good night, baby. I'll see you again someday. I love you, my Soo." he says before the nurses take his love away.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A few days later, Junmyeon comes to visit Chanyeol who is still a mess. He hands him a book, Chanyeol really isn't in the mood to read right now, he just wants to be left alone. But Junmyeon insists for him to take the book, so he does. He takes the book from Junmyeon, flipping it absentmindedly, completely uninterested. Until he sees a very familiar photo. It's a photo of him and Kyungsoo from one of their vacations when they were still broke college dropouts trying to make it big. He smiles at the memory. Even after all of the things that Chanyeol did, Kyungsoo still keeps the memory of Chanyeol. He flips through the book again and he sees his name written on the sides of almost every page, it's Kyungsoo's handwriting and the book is his movie script.  
  
"You were always his driving force, Yeol. He wrote your name to remind him to work hard. Even after you two separated." Junmyeon pauses, looking at his friend carefully. "Why don't you do the same? Make him your driving force and get back to music."  
  
Chanyeol only nods at that. Junmyeon reminds him to eat the food he brought and to take care of himself, then he leaves the apartment quietly. Chanyeol begins to clean up the apartment, takes a shower, and eats. He picks up his old guitar, the one that Kyungsoo gifted him years ago. Before he plays any chord, Chanyeol looks at the photo of him and Kyungsoo again. He turns it around to read the handwriting,  
  
**_'I'll always love you, Park Chanyeol.'_ **  
  
That day Chanyeol promises to sing for Kyungsoo again. To continue living for his love.


	2. Two of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some songs to listen to while reading this..
> 
> [i'm so tired...](https://youtu.be/JvgBbpz_uvU) by LAUV & Troye Sivan  
> [Two of Us](https://youtu.be/jukhJtIhsik) by Louis Tomlinson

"5 more minutes please."  
  
_"Yeollie.."_  
  
Chanyeol stirs in his sleep, he's too tired to do anything now but he needs to go to work.  
  
_"Yeollie.."_  
  
"Soo.." Chanyeol opens his eyes, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the sleepiness. He looks over to his side, there's nobody there. He touches the bedsheet, cold. He looks over to the small couch in his room, Kyungsoo's _The_ _All England Techno Club_ cap, black hoodie, and brown backpack are there. Is Kyungsoo going to the airport? Is he going to fly somewhere for his schedule?  
  
_An arm slowly wrapped around his waist, "Yeollie.." the familiar voice said softly._ _  
__  
__Chanyeol looked down at his boyfriend and smiled._ _  
__  
__"Go back to sleep. We still have time."_ _  
__  
__Chanyeol responded with a kiss on top of Kyungsoo's head before pulling the man closer to him. The younger reciprocated and wrapped his arm tighter around Chanyeol._  
  
The memory of Kyungsoo still takes over Chanyeol's mind from time to time. Chanyeol can't help it but cry whenever it comes around. He looks at the empty space beside him, it has been cold and unoccupied for a while, just like his heart ever since Kyungsoo passed away. Chanyeol looks back at the small couch, Kyungsoo's stuff are still there. Chanyeol had placed it there after Kyungsoo left him to god knows where. It's the only reminder that Kyungsoo once lived in this apartment and that he once belonged to Chanyeol. It makes Chanyeol feels a little less empty.  
  
He grabs his phone and clicks on Kyungsoo's number. No answer. Chanyeol knows this yet he still does it everyday. He always leaves a message for Kyungsoo, maybe this is how he cope with the loss. He doesn't know if it will ever fix his broken heart, but that's the only way he could think of.

“I love you” is what he always says in his voice messages.  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


Chanyeol gets up from the bed and heads towards the bathroom. He thinks it's better to shower first, so he could get rid of the sadness and feel a little freshen up. He strips off from his t-shirt and sweatpants, turns on the shower and let the water run through his skin longer than usual. He closes his eyes, feeling a little more relaxed.  
  
_"Hey, can I join you?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Chanyeol opened his eyes, turned around to find a naked Kyungsoo standing in front him. He stared for a few seconds, "Soo, I don't wanna be late."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Kyungsoo let out a faint chuckle, "I just wanna shower with you, I promise. Nothing else." he tried to smile, but Chanyeol could feel there's something more behind that smile._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Sure, come here, Soo." Chanyeol extended his hand before pulling Kyungsoo closer to him._ _  
_ _  
_ _When Kyungsoo didn't do anything and just stood there, Chanyeol pulled him into a hug, "Rough day at work?" he asked softly and Kyungsoo just nodded. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Chanyeol asked again._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Not now."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Okay." Chanyeol tighten the hug and kissed his boyfriend's head._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Let's shower now." Kyungsoo said, pulling away from Chanyeol. Kyungsoo was about to grab the shampoo bottle when Chanyeol stopped him._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Hey, let me take care of you now." Chanyeol squeezed the shampoo bottle to get the shampoo on his palm. He rubbed his palms together before putting the shampoo on Kyungsoo's hair._ _  
_ _  
_ _"You don't have to do this, Yeol."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"I know, but my baby is sad, this is the least I could do now."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Kyungsoo didn't say anything back and just closed his eyes, relaxing at the touch, a small smile started to form on his lips. Chanyeol didn't stop there, he took the soap and made sure that Kyungsoo's skin will be clean once he's done. He let Kyungsoo relax (and cry) under the running water as he continued showering and pretended he doesn't notice Kyungsoo's cry._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Chanyeol, thank you." Kyungsoo said._ _  
_ _  
_ _"I'm here whenever you're ready to talk, baby." he pulled Kyungsoo into a hug, kissing the top of his head, rubbing Kyungsoo's back. "It's okay to cry again, I'm here."_ _  
_ _  
_ _And Kyungsoo finally broke down in tears completely._  
  
Chanyeol turns off the shower, the water stops running. He was lost in his thoughts, in the memory of _him_ , and he's alone again. This time it's Chanyeol's turn to cry.  
  
He grabs his towel, drying his wet body and hair with it. He stands in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection. His eyes look swollen and watery. He's a mess, he knows. He needs his Kyungsoo, but he knows Kyungsoo will never come back to him. At least not yet, not while Chanyeol is still alive. He knows Kyungsoo is waiting for him somewhere. "I'll see you again, Soo." he says before walking out of the bathroom.  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


Chanyeol heads to his closet, he sees his side of the closet and then he turns to the other side, it's almost empty, only a few clothes left. Kyungsoo had taken all of his clothes with him the day he moved out, but Chanyeol had taken some back with him the day Kyungsoo passed away. Chanyeol doesn't think much about his outfit, he grabs his usual oversized black hoodie and jeans.  
  
_"Oh c'mon Yeol, you dress as if you don't have any other clothes."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Chanyeol laughed, "So what? I'm gonna be inside the studio all day long, it's not like I need to be pretty for anyone there."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"True, but you dressed so much better when we were still in college." Kyungsoo said, browsing through Chanyeol's untouched side of closet._ _  
_ _  
_ _“Is that so?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"I mean, remember when you showed up with this and for the whole day I literally struggled to hold myself from ripping it off your body," Kyungsoo pulled out a black leather jacket, a black t-shirt, and a pair of black skinny jeans. “Oh, and add your thick black rimmed glasses too.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _Chanyeol remembered that day, Kyungsoo was eyeing him whenever he gets the chance, he kept fidgeting whenever Chanyeol stands too close. Kyungsoo had avoided Chanyeol for the whole day, he tried to distance himself from his boyfriend, until they were alone in Chanyeol's room and Kyungsoo did what he needed to do._

 _Chanyeol stepped closer to Kyungsoo who is still holding the outfit in his hands, "Do you think it still has the same effect on you now?" he raised his eyebrows, smirking._ _  
__  
__"I don't know, why don't you try to see it yourself?" Kyungsoo looked straight to Chanyeol's eyes, mischievous smile appeared on his face._ _  
__  
__"Fine. If by the end of the day you end up ripping it off my body and we spend a sleepless night, then I'll wear whatever you want me to wear to work. But if not," Chanyeol took the clothes from his boyfriend's hands. "Then I'll keep wearing my black hoodie and you can't complain."_ _  
__  
__Kyungsoo looked at Chanyeol from head to toe, eyeing every inch of Chanyeol's body before looking at the clothes, he thought it would still have the same effect on him if not more. "Okay." Kyungsoo pulled Chanyeol down for a kiss. He pulled away before Chanyeol could deepen the kiss. "Let's save it for tonight." he winked at Chanyeol before walking out of the closet. That night Kyungsoo won the bet._  
  
Chanyeol walks over to the end of his closet, searching for that same outfit. He smiles when he sees it. He knows he won't have Kyungsoo ripping it off his body tonight, but maybe it could help him get through the day. Maybe it'll make him believe that Kyungsoo will be there by the end of the day, waiting for him, even though it's not true - whatever it takes to help Chanyeol get through the day. Chanyeol ends up wearing the black leather jacket with a black t-shirt underneath and a pair of black skinny jeans for the day. He doesn't wear the glasses, wearing it would only make a hassle if he ends up crying again today.  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


After spending his morning crying a few times, Chanyeol finally goes to the kitchen to find something to eat. He's too tired and too sad to be able to cook anything, not when literally everything in the kitchen reminds him of his late boyfriend. He just wanna grab his food as quickly as possible and get out of the kitchen.  
  
_"Good morning, handsome." Chanyeol smiled the moment that voice greeted him. It was always the same routine. Kyungsoo would be busy with cooking, but he never failed to notice Chanyeol - sometimes it's "Good morning, sleepyhead." whenever Chanyeol is still rubbing his eyes to get rid of the sleepiness, some other times it's "Good morning, my love." whenever Kyungsoo feels especially affectionate._ _  
__  
__Chanyeol slipped his arms from the back, wrapping his small boyfriend in his arms, "Morning, baby." he rested his head on Kyungsoo's shoulder._ _  
__  
__"You can sit, it'll be done in a few minutes." Kyungsoo didn't turn to look at Chanyeol, but he could feel that Kyungsoo is smiling._ _  
__  
__"Hmm.." Chanyeol replied before kissing Kyungsoo's neck._ _  
__  
__"Yeollie.."_ _  
__  
__"What?" Chanyeol kissed Kyungsoo's cheek._ _  
__  
__"Let go, I need to cook." Kyungsoo chuckled._ _  
__  
__"No," Chanyeol kissed Kyungsoo's cheek again. "Not if you don't give me a kiss first."_ _  
__  
__Kyungsoo laughed, turning to face his boyfriend. He caressed his boyfriend's cheek, looking affectionately at him, "I love you."_ _  
__  
__"I love you too, Soo."_ _  
__  
__Kyungsoo leaned in and started kissing Chanyeol. When Chanyeol deepen the kiss, Kyungsoo didn't pull away, he welcomed it and responded the way Chanyeol expected, but not before he reached out to turn off the stove. Chanyeol pulled away and laughed out loud, "Even in the middle of kissing your handsome boyfriend you still remember to turn it off."_ _  
__  
__"We never know how this kiss would turn out, so it's better to be cautious." Kyungsoo said, rubbing the back of Chanyeol's neck._ _  
__  
__"On second thought it's good that you develop this habit." Chanyeol said, holding back his laughter._ _  
__  
__"What do you mean?"_ _  
__  
__"So you could stop wondering whether you've turned off the stove whenever you attend your movie and drama press conference or award shows." Chanyeol laughed and it got louder when Kyungsoo pushed him away and continued cooking._  
  
Chanyeol looks away and opens the refrigerator to get the milk for his cereal. He quickly grabs a bowl, a spoon, and the cereal box from the cabinets and walks out from the kitchen. He lets out a heavy sigh when he finally sits down on the dining chair.  
  
_"Chanyeol,"_ _  
__  
__"Hmm?"_ _  
__  
__"Do you love me?" Kyungsoo asked when they finished eating breakfast._ _  
__  
__Chanyeol looked at Kyungsoo's eyes, analyzing, not showing any sign of affection. He knew that he has been spending less time with Kyungsoo and more time with an artist from his company, Baekhyun. But he never expected that Kyungsoo would actually ask him this question. Chanyeol sighed, looking away from Kyungsoo._ _  
__  
__"I'm asking you if you love me, Chanyeol." Kyungsoo's voice almost breaks as he said the word 'love'._ _  
__  
__Chanyeol looked at Kyungsoo again. Should he be the cruel one and say the truth? He knew it'll hurt Kyungsoo badly, but he also knew his boyfriend well, Kyungsoo won't give up until he gets his answers. Maybe it's better to be honest now than to restrain their relationship any further._ _  
__  
__"No." Chanyeol said coldly as he got up from his seat, grabbed his car keys and walked out of the apartment, heading to work to produce another best-selling album._  
  
Maybe he should have lied back then. Maybe he should have said that he still loves Kyungsoo even though the feeling was not really there. Maybe if he had said 'yes' he would still have Kyungsoo here, he would still wake up with Kyungsoo cuddling up next to him, he would still shower with Kyungsoo, he would still be able to wrap Kyungsoo in his arms while Kyungsoo is cooking, he would still be able to sit with Kyungsoo and eat their breakfast together, he would still be able to shower his boyfriend with kisses, and it won't feel so empty.  
  
After a few minutes of silent crying, Chanyeol wipes his tears, gets up from his seat and washes his bowl. He tries not to let his thoughts wander or he'll get flashbacks of Kyungsoo again. He takes a deep breath, goes back to his room to get his stuff before walking towards his apartment door.  
  
"Baby, I'm going now." Chanyeol looks back as he opens the door, then he notices it. The apartment is empty and silent. His boyfriend is no longer there to answer him and he's no longer there to give him a goodbye kiss.  
  
"Don't cry, Chanyeol, god damn it." he mutters to himself. He walks out from the apartment and walks silently towards the elevator.  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


"Good morning, Chanyeol." the old lady who lives across from his apartment greets him. Her eyes turns to Chanyeol's side for a brief second before looking back at Chanyeol. He knows. He knows that Mrs. Lee is searching for Kyungsoo who was always so happy to see her. She gives Chanyeol an empathetic smile, she understands what Chanyeol is going through. She was very close to Kyungsoo and she has lost her loved ones many times throughout her entire life.  
  
"Morning, Mrs. Lee." he replies before entering the elevator.  
  
"Chanyeol dear.." Mrs. Lee says, smiling at him softly.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You'll get through this. You're stronger than you think you are."  
  
Chanyeol wants to run to Mrs. Lee whom he already considers as a part of his family and cries in her arms, but he doesn't, he stands still in the elevator. He smiles back at her, trying to look strong, "Thank you, Mrs. Lee. You too. Kyungsoo, he loves, loved.. " he corrects himself. “You just as much as you love him."  
  
"I know, dear. And I miss him everyday."  
  
Silence. The elevator door is closing.  
  
"Have a nice day, Chanyeol dear."  
  
"You too, Mrs. Lee."  
  
And the elevator door closes.  
  
_Chanyeol felt a kiss on his cheek. He looked down at his boyfriend who is smiling shyly, "What's that for?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Can't I kiss my boyfriend's cheek?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _"You can," Chanyeol smiled even wider, turning sideways. “And maybe you should kiss the other one too?" he put his index finger on the unkissed cheek._ _  
_ _  
_ _Kyungsoo tiptoed and kissed Chanyeol's other cheek. He stood up straight again, facing the elevator door, feeling shy all of a sudden._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Hey," Chanyeol said. "How about here?" Kyungsoo looked up and Chanyeol put a finger on his plump lips. "No kisses here?"_ _  
_ _  
_ _Kyungsoo glanced at the floor number, they still have a few more floors to pass, maybe a quick kiss would be fine. He went on his tiptoes once again and pulled Chanyeol down for a kiss. "I love you, Yeol." Kyungsoo said._ _  
_ _  
_ _"I love you, Soo."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"I know." Kyungsoo laughed._  
  
The elevator door opens, Chanyeol walks out from the elevator by himself. A tear slips from his eyes again. "Get a grip of yourself, Chanyeol." he tells himself as he walks towards the parking lot.  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


Chanyeol starts driving, he turns on the radio to fill the silence, trying to block his thoughts from wandering to the memory of his late boyfriend. He forces himself to focus on his surroundings. He watches the people who are crossing the road whenever he stops at the red light. Sometimes he looks up at the sky, the sun shines brightly, the weather looks nice today. Then suddenly Chanyeol stares at the spot he has been avoiding since he entered the car. The passenger seat.  
  
_"This is nice," Kyungsoo said, leaning back against his seat. "But you know, our subway rides are still the most memorable ones." he said, looking at the road in front of them as he was reminiscing their days as broke college students._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Thank you for sticking around for so long, Soo." Chanyeol said and it made Kyungsoo turned to look at him. "From the time I could only pay for your subway ticket on our first date until the day I could finally pick you up with my own car."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Kyungsoo looked back at road, smiling, "The only glow up that matters honestly."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Chanyeol glanced at Kyungsoo, confused, "Where did you learn that?" he chuckled_ _  
_ _  
_ _Kyungsoo shrugged, "Just from that chirp chirp app that Junmyeon showed me once."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Ah, Junmyeon and his obsession of twitter." Chanyeol laughed, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel while humming a tune he just created last night._

 _Kyungsoo went quiet for a minute, listening well to Chanyeol's tunes like he always did. "You'll make it big someday, Yeol. Don't give up, you can do it day by day," he smiles at Chanyeol, even brighter. "Junmyeon told me that some people on the chirp chirp app are already talking about the song you produced. You'll do well, I'm sure of it."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"It's all thanks to you, Soo. Thank you for always being by my side." Chanyeol reached out to squeeze Kyungsoo's hand._ _  
_ _  
_ _Kyungsoo looked at their hands, intertwining them together, "Thank you too, Chanyeollie. Thank you for always being by my side until now. From accompanying me to watch someone else's movie to accompanying me to my own movie premiere. I'm glad that it's you."_  
  
Chanyeol blinks his eyes a few times, trying to get rid of the tears. He can't have his vision blurred right now. He takes a deep breath, counting for as many numbers as he can, he needs to stay calm, he can't have a breakdown now.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
Chanyeol parks his car, shaking his head because he refuses to let himself cry again, he's going for work, he can't be like this. He steps out of his car, his backpack clings on his back. "Please go away." he slams the car door, hoping that it'll make his mind stop playing _his_ memories. "It's not that I don't want to see you. I just.. I'm tired." he mutters to himself.  
  
"Hyung, you okay?" Jongin, the choreographer who just parked his car beside his asks.  
  
"Ah, yea.. Just a little tired." he forces a smile.  
  
Chanyeol knows, even without looking, he knows what kind of look Jongin is giving him. Everyone around him has been giving him the same look - the sympathetic look, like Chanyeol is so fragile that he'll break down at any moment - even strangers give him the same look. Kyungsoo is a very well-known actor and the news were all about him when the public discovered that he passed away after being in a car accident. Chanyeol has been the receiving end of that look ever since then, he's used to it and it makes him try harder to hide his true feelings. Both Chanyeol and Jongin walk together in silence towards the building, parting ways when they reach Chanyeol's studio. And Chanyeol could predict what's going to happen next. Jongin would text his brother, Jongdae who happens to work closely with Chanyeol since he's a songwriter, and Jongdae would watch him like a hawk, subtly making sure that Chanyeol is able to express his true feelings.  
  
"Dae.." Chanyeol says the moment he enters the room and sees Jongdae looking at his phone before scribbling something on his notepad.  
  
"What's up, Yeol?" Jongdae looks up, sitting up on the couch, maybe he's expecting Chanyeol to sit down and talk about his feelings, but Chanyeol has to pass.  
  
"Do you mind if I have the studio for myself for a few hours? I just need to get something out of my chest." Chanyeol says quietly, looking down at the floor.  
  
Jongdae gets up from the couch, gathers his things and smiles before walking up to Chanyeol, "Take as much time as you need, Yeol."  
  
"Thanks Dae."  
  
"No problem," he smiles before pulling Chanyeol into a hug. "I'm always here if you need someone."  
  
When Jongdae finally closes the door, Chanyeol sits down on his usual seat, he switches on all of his equipments and takes his notepad from the bag.  
  
He walks over to the recording booth, places the notepad on the piano. He presses the recording button on his laptop, takes a deep breath, presses the piano keys and begins to sing,  
  
**"It's been a minute since I called you,** **  
** **Just to hear the answerphone.** **  
** **Yeah, I know that you won't get this,** **  
** **But I'll leave a message so I'm not alone."**  
  
He closes his eyes, tries to get into the bottom of his feelings and let it out,  
  
**"This morning I woke up still dreaming,** **  
** **With memories playing through my head,** **  
** **You'll never know how much I miss you.."**  
  
Chanyeol's vision starts to get blurry as tears are pooling in his eyes. A tear falls down to the piano keys, and that's it, Chanyeol loses it, more tears start to stream down his face.  
  
**"We'll end just like we started,** **  
** **Just you and me and no one else.** **  
** **I will hold you where my heart is.** **  
** **One life for the two of us."**  
  
He ends the song, still crying. He cries harder, he can't even stop the recording so it keeps recording. He doesn't care now, he just wanna cry.

“Soo..” he whispers. “I miss you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The door opens, revealing Jongdae whom Chanyeol fails to notice because he's still crying for the love of his life. Jongdae walks over to him, stopping the recorder, and sits beside the younger.  
  
"Do you want me to walk out? Or can I stay?" Jongdae asks.  
  
Chanyeol doesn't respond for a few seconds. He just cries and Jongdae reaches out to rub his back.  
  
"The day they took him,” Chanyeol says weakly. “I wish it was me instead, Dae."  
  
"Hey no, no.." Jongdae pulls Chanyeol into a tight hug. "Don't say that. Kyungsoo wouldn't want to hear you say that."  
  
"But I deserve that, Dae. After what I did to him."  
  
"Chanyeol," Jongdae says softly. "It happened. What you did was awful, heck I wanted to punch you for that, but it happened and you acknowledge your wrongdoings. But now Kyungsoo is gone, you should forgive yourself and continue living. If not for yourself, then for Kyungsoo. I'm sure he has forgiven you a long time ago."  
  
"It's too painful. He doesn't even know that I still love him. That I always love him."  
  
"He knew, Chanyeol. You two are the kind of people who don't need to say anything and everyone in the room would already know how much you love each other. It's okay, Yeol. He knows."

Chanyeol doesn't respond with words. He only hugs Jongdae tighter as if his life depends on it. He's starting to have a hard time breathing, like a knife is twisted in his chest and a heavy weight is dropped right on top of his whole being. He's pretty sure that Jongdae's shirt is now wet because of his tears, but Jongdae doesn't complain. He continues rubbing Chanyeol's back, trying to comfort him.  
  
"Don't you think his last movie script and the picture he brought everywhere are enough evidence that he knows you still love him?"

When Chanyeol doesn't say anything again, Jongdae continues. "If he thinks you no longer love him, I'm sure he'll really let you go the day he moved out," Jongdae pulls away slightly to look at his best friend and colleague. "You were just taking too long to come back to him, but we all know that he was waiting for you."  
  
Chanyeol hugs Jongdae one more time before pulling away. His vision still feels blurry because there's still so much tears, but he manages to look at Jongdae, "Thank you Dae, I needed to hear someone say it to me."  
  
Jongdae smiles, wiping his best friend's tears, "I'll go now, I think you need some alone time again."  
  
"Thank you." Chanyeol replies softly and Jongdae leaves the room.  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


Chanyeol wipes his tears, tries to smile to make himself feel less sad. He takes his laptop and places it in front of him. He stares at the opened window on his laptop, the recording he just did. It probably sounds very depressing since he really struggled to sing it. He probably needs to re-record it but that's okay, for now he'll settle with this one. He takes a deep breath before pressing play,  
  
_"That's a beautiful song, Yeol."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Chanyeol turned to his side, smiling at his boyfriend, "Well, you're the story behind it."_ _  
_ _  
_ _Kyungsoo stared back at him and smiled softly, "I'm sure you'll make it even bigger someday, Yeol. Don't give up, you can do it day by day."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Thank you for being by my side, Soo."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Well, I'm in love with you so I kinda have no other choice but to stay by your side." he chuckled._ _  
_ _  
_ _Chanyeol leaned in to kiss Kyungsoo's cheek, "I love you, my Soo."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"I know, even when you don't say it, I already know. I always know."_  
  
Chanyeol stares at the empty seat beside him, the song keeps playing,  
  
**"I promised you I'd do this,** **  
** **So all of this is all for you,** **  
** **Oh, I swear to God you're living through everything I'll ever do.**

 **So I will keep you day and night, here until the day I die.** **  
** **I'll be living one life for the two of us.** **  
** **I will be the best of me, always keep you next to me.** **  
** **I'll be living one life for the two of us.** **  
** **Even when I'm on my own, I know I won't be alone.** **  
** **Tattooed on my heart are the words of your favourite song.** **  
** **I know you'll be looking down, swear I'm gonna make you proud.** **  
** **I'll be living one life for the two of us.”**  
  
That day Chanyeol promises to continue living for himself, for Kyungsoo. For the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case some of you are wondering, Kyungsoo isn't a ghost. It's just Chanyeol having flashbacks of his past memories with Kyungsoo :)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry :(


End file.
